Novel Days

Oooops, I made a pun. 

In my last post, I did mention the fact that I was beginning to write a book despite the fact that I was having a myriad of issues when it came to writing anything. This book has been in the works for about three years now because I do not know exactly what to do with it really. I have about 20,000 works of it written already, just sitting in my google docs with no idea what to do with it. The problem is that I started kinda near the end of things so now I am having to go back to the beginning and start there. For those that write, not the easiest task. Almost harder than just starting at the beginning in the first place in my opinion. The book is...quite personal. It makes me feel egotistical when I talk about it because the book is more of memoir than anything else. 

Who would want to read about my boring ass life? To be honest, I have no idea. I hold the opinion that no one will actually want to read it when I have finally completed it. But I am writing it nonetheless. Its one of those things that just needed to be put into words, to get it out of my brain. My life has been far from average, despite my being frighteningly average myself. I have survived through things, complicated situations, harmful relationships...just so much that I want to share with the world. I have always felt that I could help people by making them feel less alone in the world, perhaps if someone else in the world shares the same experiences that they do, it will make it more okay. When you survive through terrible circumstances, it changes you and makes you afraid to share those things with other people. You constantly fear being rejected or shamed for what you have been forced to endure. I have found that by sharing my experiences with people has made them feel better about their own lives, made it easier for them to accept their past and move on from it finally. That is one of my ultimate goals in life, to help others.

While helping people certainly is not the career path that I am pursuing, it is still extremely important to me. My dream is to be a writer, to actually be able to make a living off my writing and publishing books. I know that is an unlikely senario but I would still like to put my memoir out there for people to read. Whether they decide to actually do so is up to them. As John Green has said on multiple occassions, books belong to their readers. Once I publish the book, its not really mine anymore, it belongs to the general public. What they do with it and take from it is completely up to them.

But yeah, I have not had a lot of motivation to complete anything recently but I have been pushing myself to get in better shape, to take better care of my body, eat healthier, just do more with my life in general. Part of that is to finally finish this book that has been sitting around, uncompleted, for close to four years now. That is just unacceptable. I might not have ever finished a writing project in my life, but this is one that I fully intend to pursue. 

I will finish my book...eventually.

Love ya guys.

I Didn't Know Writing Was So Stressful

Well that's a bit of a lie, I guess. Its just all been getting to me recently. Since I could form a proper story (let's call it second grade), I've been writing. There are more notebook and flashdrives filled with half-done stories laying around than I care to count. Never a finished one. I can't think of one project that I've ever completed. Not even my short-stories are actually finished to a point that I'm content with. Don't get me wrong, as a writer, putting something out there that you are 100% happy with just isn't going to happen. This isn't a perfect world. Recently, I've had all this motivation to write but all of my old story ideas seem over-done or over-thought (partially because they've been floating around in my mind for years by this point). There just isn't anything coming to mind when I want to write. When I say that, I mean working on a novel, of course. Though, I'm not going to lie, working on this blog has been incredibly difficult as well. This is my third or fourth blog in the last two years, I just can't seem to stick with anything. I'm always changing what I want in life or what I want to write about. I felt like that was too confusing for my readers, which I had actually amassed a little bit of a following on my previous blog. But the content I was putting out there didn't sound like me, it wasn't something I particularly cared about...I could just write about it in a manner that made people think I did. Not something I'm completely proud of but whatever, that's in the past. That's the reason I started this blog in the first place, so that I could write about things that mattered to me. At the time, that was Magic: The Gathering. But now that I am in one of my phases where I'm burned out on playing MTG, I feel like I should still be forcing out posts about the subject even if I don't want to. That's not at all what I wanted in my blog but I have yet to find a real grove. There's such a stigma that you have to have a themed blog in order to do well but I realized that I don't care how many people read my blog. If there's just one person that likes my posts then its all worth it in my mind. So I guess what I'm trying to say, in a long, round-about way is that I'm going to be changing things up, trying to write more about things that truly matter to me. Things that I have a passion for. This week, I love the Kim Kardashian: Hollywood game but don't worry, I won't be making a whole blog post about that...Now that I say that, it sounds kind of tempting but I will try to resist the urge for you guys. There might not be an overall, consistent theme to my blog but I hope to start putting out content that I am truly proud of and am passionate about. Sorry for this rambling mess, I know that most (probably no) people will actually read this but it was something that I needed to put out there.

In the meantime, between working max hours in retail and working on a book (I will get there eventually), hopefully I can find some worthwhile things to post about.

Love ya guys.