In my last post, I did mention the fact that I was beginning to write a book despite the fact that I was having a myriad of issues when it came to writing anything. This book has been in the works for about three years now because I do not know exactly what to do with it really. I have about 20,000 works of it written already, just sitting in my google docs with no idea what to do with it. The problem is that I started kinda near the end of things so now I am having to go back to the beginning and start there. For those that write, not the easiest task. Almost harder than just starting at the beginning in the first place in my opinion. The book is...quite personal. It makes me feel egotistical when I talk about it because the book is more of memoir than anything else.
Who would want to read about my boring ass life? To be honest, I have no idea. I hold the opinion that no one will actually want to read it when I have finally completed it. But I am writing it nonetheless. Its one of those things that just needed to be put into words, to get it out of my brain. My life has been far from average, despite my being frighteningly average myself. I have survived through things, complicated situations, harmful relationships...just so much that I want to share with the world. I have always felt that I could help people by making them feel less alone in the world, perhaps if someone else in the world shares the same experiences that they do, it will make it more okay. When you survive through terrible circumstances, it changes you and makes you afraid to share those things with other people. You constantly fear being rejected or shamed for what you have been forced to endure. I have found that by sharing my experiences with people has made them feel better about their own lives, made it easier for them to accept their past and move on from it finally. That is one of my ultimate goals in life, to help others.
While helping people certainly is not the career path that I am pursuing, it is still extremely important to me. My dream is to be a writer, to actually be able to make a living off my writing and publishing books. I know that is an unlikely senario but I would still like to put my memoir out there for people to read. Whether they decide to actually do so is up to them. As John Green has said on multiple occassions, books belong to their readers. Once I publish the book, its not really mine anymore, it belongs to the general public. What they do with it and take from it is completely up to them.
But yeah, I have not had a lot of motivation to complete anything recently but I have been pushing myself to get in better shape, to take better care of my body, eat healthier, just do more with my life in general. Part of that is to finally finish this book that has been sitting around, uncompleted, for close to four years now. That is just unacceptable. I might not have ever finished a writing project in my life, but this is one that I fully intend to pursue.
I will finish my book...eventually.
Love ya guys.
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